Experiencing the labor and birthing of my grandson, Conner, this past weekend took me back many years to my first birthing experience. I was twenty-five and far from home in Lansing, Michigan.
Even though I had taken birthing classes I was not really prepared for thirty-six hours of back labor, being sent home in frustration, half the labor pains being non-productive and two hours of pushing.
I didn’t have the luxury of a mother, sister or friend close by to help me through the experience. I was on my own with my Choleric “just do it” husband. Intuitively, I knew he was uncomfortable with this process so I dismissed him at one point leaving myself alone in the hospital to face the pain, questions, confusion and anxiety of my first birth. While I was definitely an independent person, this was not the time to be alone with my fears. Nothing made me comfortable and nothing relieved my fears.
When my husband returned a couple of hours later I was relieved yet I knew he had no idea what was ahead or how I was feeling. I wish I could have had the circle of familiar faces that filled my daughters’ Jen, Renee and Rachel’s rooms -- women who had been there, done that and made it. Women who knew me well, women who cared deeply, women who knew what I needed even when I didn’t.
As Jen, Renee and Rachel’s Mom and I were there for Rachel it reminded me that we need one another. As women we need comforting, loving people who have been where we are and succeeded. We need their advice, support, faith and prayers. Whether we’re birthing children or birthing dreams we need support of others who have birthed their own.
When it comes to babies we can’t just give up and say I guess this is too hard. But when the dreaming gets too difficult sometimes we give up.
We need friends to help us through difficult struggles, health issues, tough life choices, menopause, deaths and births. That’s why it’s important for us to connect and share our lives with others. This takes time, trust, effort, and patience. These kinds of relationships don’t just drop into our lives, we must nourish them.
You may be thinking, “Angela you’re a whimp. I birthed all my children alone and did just fine, I don’t need other women.” Or you may be a very private person who doesn’t include others in your personal space.
I will admit that I went through labor with Renee totally alone while my husband slept beside me and I did fine. But I’m so glad my daughters included me in their labor and delivery processes. It was a gift that money could never buy and I feel more bonded to them because of it. It’s not always about us but what it does for others.
While my husband is my best friend, I have other close relationships with women who understand my unique journey, women who will be there when I need them and I’m there for them when they need me. How about you?
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, her friend can help her up. But pity the woman who falls and has no one to help her up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.”
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