I recently suggested to someone that they needed to make some friends. She quickly asked, “How do I do that?” I as quickly quoted Proverbs 18:24 “A man that has friends must show himself friendly…” Being friendly can be challenging when you’re an introvert or you’ve had negative experiences with friendships in the past. But, the past is the past. Learn from it and move on because we are all wired to need friends.
1. Start with where you are – at work, at the Gym, in a small group or at an activity you enjoy. Many times friendships are started or built based on common interests. Like -minded people are found in the places you love to be. But you will need to spark a conversation – be friendly.
2. Show Genuine Interest in the Other person. Ask simple questions about their job, family and interests and really listen. Don’t pry, just showing an interest in them and really listening can put them at ease with you. Look at them while you are listening, don’t allow yourself to be distracting by others or by thinking about what you will say next. Just listen and say what comes naturally in response.
3. Get out of your comfort zone to connect. Sometimes we hide in our offices during the staff Birthday party or at lunch. When I worked at Olivet College I purposefully ate in the break room with others rather than staying in my office. I didn’t always appreciate the jokes but I was connecting instead of avoiding. Go to the next social event at church – Chick Café’, Church Picnic, CAG Day Celebration dinner and meet people and be friendly.
4. Smile – a smile is your best support in making friends. It makes you look friendly. Look people in the eye when you say “hello” and genuinely smile. You’re smiling at a potential friend. Start a conversation about the weather or something not controversial.
5. Be friendly by making the first move. Send an email sharing information or a website about your common interest. Just start communicating and use the mode they enjoy – Facebook, email, text or phone. Push through your fear of rejection or being overwhelmed and just go for it – ask them for coffee, lunch or to do something interesting. Maybe a road trip that involves your common interest.
6. If you’re really shy, ask a leader at work or church to help introduce you to different people to break the ice. If you go to a Sunday School class or church event let someone know that you need help getting to know people. There are those of us who love to help connect people. Express you fears or concerns so that they can be sensitive to you. But when it comes down to it you will still need to show yourself friendly.
7. Host a Fun Event either at your home or in a restaurant. Maybe a girls night out, a dinner party, a celebration of some sort – just because you want to. A jewelry or make-up party, pampered chef, whatever – the list is endless. If it’s a common interest party then all the better. Scrapbooking, gardening, motorcycling, decorating. Just find a reason to be social to get people together. Even suggest that they invite a friend or two.
8. Know what you want in a Friend. Loyalty, confidant, faithfulness, fun, intelligent conversation, support, challenge. Also know what you don't want and don't go there -- controlling, domineering, overwhelming, boundry crosser, etc. It takes time and patience. Friendship doesn't happen overnight.
Yes, friendship can be scary or risky and always has the possibility of pain. But pain is not misery; it’s a normal part of life. When you find a good friend you find a gift and you give a gift. You need friends more than you know or understand. Do whatever it takes to be a friend and make a friend.
