I Love How You Love Me

“I love how your heart beats whenever I hold you

I love how you think of me without being told to

I love the way your touch is always heavenly

But darling most of all I love how you love me.”

It’s funny how an old song can come floating back through the folds of your memory without any apparent provocation. I guess it was Valentine’s Day that prompted the melody’s visitation. Bobby Vinton’s version was my favorite.

But if we think about it, we really do love to be loved. We love the tender feeling of being caressed, knowing that someone is thinking about us and cares deeply. We love being special to someone. Love is intoxicatingly wonderful!

But no love can compare with the Love of the Lord. Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love…” John 3:16 “that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” John 15:20 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” No one has a greater love than the Father. His love never fails, never fades and was deep enough to die for us. I love how He loves me – in spite of my sin, failures and struggles.

Yet, God’s love is not a love that leaves us in our sin or where we are. His love also corrects us, disciplines and motivates us to grow and change into all He has designed us to be. Praise God for tough love.

Time and time again in the Old Testament God disciplined the Israelites when they disobeyed and turned back to the idols and evil ways of their culture. But in His love, He always had a plan to bring them back to himself with loving-kindness as they repented and cried out to Him.

In the New Testament in Hebrews 12:5-6 God explains --

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
⁶ because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

I can remember my Mother telling me that her discipline to me hurt her just as much as me. As I danced to the swings of the switch I just couldn’t imagine that she was hurting. Wasn’t I the one crying? Wasn’t it my legs that were stinging? Now I understand.

…But God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. ¹¹ No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:10-11)

Just as my Mother’s love disciplined me for my good, so God’s love disciplines us for our good. I have to say I really do believe I’m a more responsible person because of my Mother’s example in life and godliness and because she had tough love.

The Lord is disciplining me now and I love how He loves me. Yes, it is painful but I know that it’s because He loves me that He is faithful to not leave me in my rebellion or sin. He is a loving heavenly Father who so orders the circumstances of my life to crowd me into His will.

If you know the tune sing it along: (YouTube has the Bobby Vinton version)

I love how you love me whenever I’m straying

I love how you prod me, pull me, shake me

I love how You make me

I love the way you tenderly bring me back.

But Father most of all – I love how you love me.

I'm Grateful For ...

What am I grateful for this Thanksgiving? It’s simple – that I know, really know and experience God in all of His power and glory in my life.

Approximately twenty years ago I sat around the table with seven other women from different denominations and walks of life at a Walk to Emmaus retreat. My heart grew heavier and heavier over the weekend as I realized that each one of these women didn’t know the Word of God and consequently didn’t know my friend Jesus. I ached for them. I couldn’t imagine living life without a living, dynamic relationship with God.

As I sat there I thought about how knowing God– His Words – His heart had made all the difference in my life. Given me security when parents were gone for a month to find a new job and home. Given me resilience when the days were dark with the confusing betrayal of a father who’s supposed to love not hurt. Held me up during repeated rejection in the awkward teen years. I hid under his wings during depression and stood in the high tower of Christ when I just couldn’t take anymore. His Words were the anchor of my soul. His grace my enabling power to keep on going. The Holy Spirit my protection, comfort and guide. Christ’s love enfolded me bringing healing to the ache of my soul. His acceptance ignited life and hope.

Yes – knowing Jesus was the greatest thing in all the world – just the greatest and everybody’s got to know who Jesus is --- my Savior, deliverer, constant companion, lover of my soul, hope rising, health and healing, mentor, guide, encourager, comfort and yes – my best friend.

So this Thanksgiving I give thanks for all the people who made it possible for me to know my Jesus. My grandmothers who prayed, my mother who took me to church and lived for Jesus, my teachers and pastors and so many other people. I thank God that He has revealed Himself to us and He is a personal God.

But, my heart is still heavy because there are so many who come to church but really don’t know God or His Word. They aren’t experiencing Him, as God desires. I hope as an act of Thanksgiving you will open your whole heart and life to experiencing God more fully.

Graham Kendrick wrote a song that says it best:

All I once held dear, built my life upon,

All this world reveres and wars to own,

All I once thought gain I have counted loss,

Spent and worthless now compared to this.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing you.

There is no greater thing.

You're my all, You're the best, You're my joy,

My righteousness; and I love You, Lord.

For those of us who really know him, let’s give back this Thanksgiving by sharing our life with Christ with others in tangible way. Thanksgiving is not just an attitude it’s also an action. Get out there and do acts of Thanksgiving.

Gratefully -- Angela

That Was Easy

Trying desperately to open my hermetically sealed turkey breast, I reached for my kitchen scissors and cut through the hard plastic, pulled it apart only to find it was sealed in yet another level of softer plastic. Try as I might to open the plastic, it would not budge. Once again I reached for my kitchen scissors.

I don’t know about you but ten years ago I didn’t have kitchen scissors. I didn’t even need kitchen scissors. My only scissors were safely tucked away in my sewing box. But now? I use kitchen scissors all the time.

There may have been a time in your life when you didn’t seem to need the Bible so much either. It may have been relegated to the bookshelf in your bedroom or den. But in case you haven’t noticed, we’re in desperate times. We really need the Word not just on Sundays or for the occasional emergency but at our fingers tips, as close as the kitchen scissors.

You may be facing some impossible situations in your life, and like me with the sealed turkey breast, you’re using the wrong tool to deal with them. The appropriate tool is God’s Word. What does He have to say about your situation?

Too many times we wallow in our circumstances, or go to well meaning friends but it leaves us frustrated and more desperate. God’s Word has everything we need for “life and godliness” according to 2 Peter 2:3.

As the kitchen scissors have more than one use, so God’s Word is not only a good tool to use in difficult situations but also for maturing and becoming all God has designed us to be.

“2 Timothy 2:15-16 tells us:

“And how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith I Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

It’s God’s goal for us to be thorough equipped for every good work He has created us to do. We cannot do it without knowing His Word. Isn’t it time to take our Bible out of hiding and leave it where we can see if often? Read it, memorize it, make 3 x 5 cards of scripture and put in our sight lines at home, in the car or at work.

We need to make the Word as accessible as the kitchen scissors. Then maybe, like Staples, you can say, “that was easy.”

Easy Suggestions for Making Friends

I recently suggested to someone that they needed to make some friends. She quickly asked, “How do I do that?” I as quickly quoted Proverbs 18:24 “A man that has friends must show himself friendly…” Being friendly can be challenging when you’re an introvert or you’ve had negative experiences with friendships in the past. But, the past is the past. Learn from it and move on because we are all wired to need friends.

1. Start with where you are – at work, at the Gym, in a small group or at an activity you enjoy. Many times friendships are started or built based on common interests. Like -minded people are found in the places you love to be. But you will need to spark a conversation – be friendly.

2. Show Genuine Interest in the Other person. Ask simple questions about their job, family and interests and really listen. Don’t pry, just showing an interest in them and really listening can put them at ease with you. Look at them while you are listening, don’t allow yourself to be distracting by others or by thinking about what you will say next. Just listen and say what comes naturally in response.

3. Get out of your comfort zone to connect. Sometimes we hide in our offices during the staff Birthday party or at lunch. When I worked at Olivet College I purposefully ate in the break room with others rather than staying in my office. I didn’t always appreciate the jokes but I was connecting instead of avoiding. Go to the next social event at church – Chick Café’, Church Picnic, CAG Day Celebration dinner and meet people and be friendly.

4. Smile – a smile is your best support in making friends. It makes you look friendly. Look people in the eye when you say “hello” and genuinely smile. You’re smiling at a potential friend. Start a conversation about the weather or something not controversial.

5. Be friendly by making the first move. Send an email sharing information or a website about your common interest. Just start communicating and use the mode they enjoy – Facebook, email, text or phone. Push through your fear of rejection or being overwhelmed and just go for it – ask them for coffee, lunch or to do something interesting. Maybe a road trip that involves your common interest.

6. If you’re really shy, ask a leader at work or church to help introduce you to different people to break the ice. If you go to a Sunday School class or church event let someone know that you need help getting to know people. There are those of us who love to help connect people. Express you fears or concerns so that they can be sensitive to you. But when it comes down to it you will still need to show yourself friendly.

7. Host a Fun Event either at your home or in a restaurant. Maybe a girls night out, a dinner party, a celebration of some sort – just because you want to. A jewelry or make-up party, pampered chef, whatever – the list is endless. If it’s a common interest party then all the better. Scrapbooking, gardening, motorcycling, decorating. Just find a reason to be social to get people together. Even suggest that they invite a friend or two.

8. Know what you want in a Friend. Loyalty, confidant, faithfulness, fun, intelligent conversation, support, challenge. Also know what you don't want and don't go there -- controlling, domineering, overwhelming, boundry crosser, etc. It takes time and patience. Friendship doesn't happen overnight.

Yes, friendship can be scary or risky and always has the possibility of pain. But pain is not misery; it’s a normal part of life. When you find a good friend you find a gift and you give a gift. You need friends more than you know or understand. Do whatever it takes to be a friend and make a friend.

Falling In Love Can Be Hazardous

Falling in love is exhilarating! There’s nothing like it! You feel more alive than any other time in life. But falling in love can be hazardous to your health if you allow the heart to block your thinking. Heartbreak is inevitable.

It surprises me that young people think that healthy dating habits come naturally! They think they would never fall in love with someone who would later break their hearts and the hearts of their children.

But after forty years of marriage and ministry, Pastor and I have seen an unbelievable amount of miserable couples, broken families and devastated children. None of us thinks it will happen to us. But it does. If we don't prepare and plan for success then no preparation or planning naturally leads to failure. No one wants to fail but so few want to prepare or plan. It means admitting we don't have all the answers and that goes against our pride. Last time I heard, "Pride goes before a fall."

Fifty percent of Christian couples end up in divorce – the same rate as non-Christians. This doesn’t include the couples who stay together but haven’t grown in their relationship skills enough to even be happy. They don't know how to communicate, resolve conflict, validate each others dreams and the list goes on.

What is the cause? Well, Dr. John Van Epps will tell us the major cause is faulty dating. What we do in dating sets us up for poor choices and latter heartbreak. Marriage relationships are difficult enough with someone with whom you are compatible; but unbearable if they end of being incompatible.

In our Love Thinks Workshop next Saturday, March 5^th, you can prepare yourself with the knowledge needed to develop skill in dating. Then you can use that skill for making better decisions and building healthier relationships. That's a good place to start.

Go to www.lovethinksde.com to register today! I hope to see you there!

My Stint as a Jerk

What do you think of when you hear the word “Jerk?” One person told me, “When I hear the word jerk, I think of someone who is a really bad and lousy person with little or no value, especially for marriage.” We probably all have different definitions of the word jerk according to our experience. But that is not the one we’re looking for here.

Maybe we should look at the dictionary’s definition for jerk.

Definition of Jerk: Slang. . a contemptibly naive, fatuous, foolish, or inconsequential person.

Naïve: lack of experience, judgment or information. Credulous; little or no formal training

Credulous: willing to believe or trust too readily, especially without proper or adequate evidence; gullible.

Fat·u·ous /ˈfætʃuəs/ - foolish or inane, especially in an unconscious, complacent manner; silly.

Foolish = resulting from or showing a lack of sense; ill-considered; unwise: a foolish action, a foolish speech. Lacking forethought or caution.

So, if we go by the dictionary definition a Jerk is “someone who lacks experience, judgment or information.” When I started dating as a teenager I would say that definitely described me. I think it describes most teens and many young adults. I had gathered no experience or information about how to go about a dating relationship without getting taken advantage of, hurting the other person or making many mistakes of judgment

I was definitely credulous in that I was too willing and ready to trust. I just expect other people to be trustworthy since I am. How naïve! I don’t think I was “fatuous” but a little foolish, “yes”. I lacked caution because I was naïve and too trusting. So I guess you could say I was a jerk and didn’t even know it.

By the time I started dating the man who is now my husband I had learned some information about what I wanted and didn’t want in a man. I had some experience but not enough. At one point we both realized that the relationship was going too quickly. We had to pull in the reigns of the runaway horse, so to speak. We were at college and we ate together, worked together, studied together and had fun together. We realized that we needed to see each other less and pace the relationship or we wouldn’t be able to keep to our values.

One night after two hours on the phone with him arguing about who I smiled at that day, I realized he was a jealous man. I absolutely knew jealousy was one thing I just couldn’t tolerate. I broke off the relationship. I told him I would pray for him and that I loved him but jealousy was one thing I wouldn’t live with. Had we not paced the relationship better, my head would not have gotten through to my heart. After a month of us both being apart and fasting and praying, he was delivered from the insecurities that drove his jealousy.

How did we know we needed to recalibrate the pace of our relationship? It was because our heads were still working with our hearts in the relationship. We weren’t so emotionally or physically involved that the hormones hijacked our judgment. This is one of the principles taught in the Love Thinks Workshop.

You won’t learn this important information in a movie or magazine. But for the price of a couple of movies and a soda, you can learn what you need to practice for healthy relationships in every area of life.

How to know if you're a Jerk

Most of us would never think that we would fall in love with a Jerk. But just talk to many who are divorced and they’ll tell you they didn’t either. So just what are the criteria for being a jerk? Well, first Jerks come in both genders; it’s not specific to one gender.

According to Dr. John Van Epp, founder of Love Thinks, the most fundamental identifying feature of true jerks is their persistent resistance to never changing their core jerk qualities. NEVER! Of course, they never show these qualities before you are blinded by the hormones that produce the euphoria that causes you to be blind to them. The part of your brain ithat produces judgment is literally turned off by the hormones so you don’t see the negative traits until it’s too late.

What are some of those core jerk qualities?

• Jerks habitually break boundaries
• Players – play the field, need the fix.
• Space invaders – what’s yours is mine; entitled to your attention, interest, money, time, and emotional support. You have to adjust to their agenda
• Utter Inability to see anything from anyone else’s perspective –
• This will be very frustrating but easy to overlook at first.
• You never feel understood or validated.
• In time you feel invisible to your partner
• Dangerous lack of emotional controls or balance
• Failure to express emotions appropriately immobilizes ones ability to build healthy relationships.
• Immature and emotionally turbulent or
• Emotionally flat and inexpressive
• Either explosive and overly reactive or
• Flatliners – seem easy going but later you discover that they are cold and detached.
• Emotionally unstable people are usually very good at the beginning of the relationship.

Believe me, Pastor and I have dealt with many married couples who never realized they were displaying the qualities of a jerk because they were blinded to their own selfish, issue produced behavior.

So What are the Signs of Being in Danger of Falling for a Jerk?

Relationship too fast paced’ accelerated attachment is like superglue

· Overlook and minimize problems

· Blinds vision; see the part and not the whole.

· Intoxicates your hormones and emotions so that you feel safe and secure in the poor relationship.

You could be in love with a jerk or be a jerk and not even realize it. I’ll share Pastor and my experience of being jerks in the next post and what we did. But until then, please consider attending this workshop to empower you to build a healthy dating relationship instead of being blinded by love.

Go to www.lovethinksde.com for more information or to register.

“Emotional Bonding is intrinsic to relationships and learning how you bond provides a practical guide for pacing your relationships. This is way to be immunized against the love-is-blind infection.” Dr. John Van Epp