Last Tuesday night at Chick Café Church we discussed the friendships of women. One of the gabbing girls brought up the idea of PDD – Perception Deception Disorder. I thought, hmm.. that is good.
Perception is everything. Perception is how we view things according to the internal lens of who we are and our collective experiences or knowledge. Perception is our reality. However, our perception may be skewed by our own bias, insecurities, fears or a host of other contributing factors. Once our perception is skewed or interweaved with the lies of the enemy then it is deception. We live our lives and make our choices according to these deceptive perceptions and it becomes a disorder that keeps us from living fully.
When this comes to the friendships of women it can be especially harmful. We may isolate or hide to protect ourselves from perceived discomfort, pain or betrayal in relationships. The very people who may challenge and help us to grow are rejected as we perceive them to be “dangerous” or “uncomfortable.”
The Gabbing Girl shared that when meeting women she compares herself with others and looks for someone with whom she can feel comfortable. In doing that she is actually judging women by their appearance and body language and sorting through the information to protect herself from someone who may hurt her or with whom she would not feel comfortable. What makes us feel comfortable will be different according to our own perception of ourselves and our preferences.
For instance, I get bored with small talk after awhile and long for deeper conversation. Others are scared to death of anything but small talk and would feel very uncomfortable about the prospect of being with someone who takes the conversation deeper. So I would probably be rejected or shunned by those who perceived me as different from themselves.
If we see ourselves as not measuring up in the beauty department we may reject the friendships of women we perceive as more beautiful than ourselves. We do this either to protect ourselves or make ourselves feel more comfortable or superior to someone else. We may judge someone as a snob when in reality they have a reserved personality and are as sweet as sugar. We may be missing out on a friendship that would bless the socks off of us. But we would never know because we keep rejecting these women.
Comparing is one of the biggest hindrances for women developing new friendships and community. What is the solution to PDD and the comparison game? Watch for the next blog.
What are your thoughts on PDD and the habit of comparing? Do you find yourself trapped in these habits? If not, how did you get out of the trap or keep from getting into the snare of comparing?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The Third Strand
Ladies,
Happy Valentines Day! No matter if you are married, single, widowed, divorced, or have no living relatives in the world someone sends you a Valentine this year – “God so loved that He gave His Son.” God’s love took action. Someone may promise to climb the highest mountain or cross the desert or swim the ocean but only Christ loved you enough to die for you. You are loved. So whether you get a card, candy or not, you are loved.
However, He now wants to know what you will do with that love. Will you share it?
I want to share part of an email I received.
Hi Angela: I am taking the Fight Like A Girl class on Wednesday evening. Tonight the speaker, Lisa Bevere, briefly mentioned Titus 2:3 &4 about the older women teaching/training the younger women to love their husband and children . . . one of the ladies ask how do you find these older women and two expressed interest in joining the ladies Thursday morning study because 2 of us in the group find it is a place where we can learn from their wisdom and life experiences. Lisa Bevere was expressing how important this is . . . I agree, as someone who has not had my mom near throughout the years, I've really needed these ladies. I know you have/and are working hard to connect the ladies and I just wanted to let you know… (she went on to share how her and others lives were blessed by one of us sharing our lives in a small way with them.)
I’m sharing this with you, ladies, because you have no idea what a blessing you could be to other women who need a more mature Christian woman in their lives. I know many of you are thinking, who me? What do I have to offer? Well, as a follower of Christ if you have followed Him through raising your children, or through years of being single, through a divorce or being a single Mom, through the loss of a husband, a terminal illness, a rebellious teen, and many other difficult circumstances of life, then you can help others as they follow Christ through their everyday situations.
What scriptures did he make real to you? What mistakes can you keep them from making? What tender compassion do you have to share, what honest feedback for correction, what support and inspiration to encourage and motivate? No, you alone may not be enough; but You and God with this other woman are a strand of three cords which is difficult to break. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
In Titus 2:3 the older women are admonished to teach and train the younger women in practical aspects of life. You don’t have to have the gift of teaching to do this. We naturally have what it takes to nurture others. We just have to offer ourselves to God and be intentional in sharing our lives with another younger disciple in the process of following Christ. We can have them come along with us shopping, hiking, doing errands. Just simply taking time to share life with them; listen and know their hearts. God will prompt you in what to say or do. Listening is most important. Caring enough to listen and understand their feelings and know them personally is a gift you can give.
Could this be the ministry God wants to birth in you? Could you be the answer to someone’s prayer? Please pray about what God would have you to do. Please be aware of opportunities to be there for someone – to listen to their heart, pray for their situation and believe God with them. It doesn’t take money; just time and your heart.
There are many reasons why we don’t reach out and share our lives. I will share those in another post. But please pray about how God would have you respond. Pray that God will stir up hearts to care and reach outside their comfort zones to share their lives. Pray for women to oversee such a ministry and make it effective. Pray for the women who are needing such a ministry that they can hang on while God endeavors to get through our defenses, excuses and walls of protection.
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Happy Valentines Day! No matter if you are married, single, widowed, divorced, or have no living relatives in the world someone sends you a Valentine this year – “God so loved that He gave His Son.” God’s love took action. Someone may promise to climb the highest mountain or cross the desert or swim the ocean but only Christ loved you enough to die for you. You are loved. So whether you get a card, candy or not, you are loved.
However, He now wants to know what you will do with that love. Will you share it?
I want to share part of an email I received.
Hi Angela: I am taking the Fight Like A Girl class on Wednesday evening. Tonight the speaker, Lisa Bevere, briefly mentioned Titus 2:3 &4 about the older women teaching/training the younger women to love their husband and children . . . one of the ladies ask how do you find these older women and two expressed interest in joining the ladies Thursday morning study because 2 of us in the group find it is a place where we can learn from their wisdom and life experiences. Lisa Bevere was expressing how important this is . . . I agree, as someone who has not had my mom near throughout the years, I've really needed these ladies. I know you have/and are working hard to connect the ladies and I just wanted to let you know… (she went on to share how her and others lives were blessed by one of us sharing our lives in a small way with them.)
I’m sharing this with you, ladies, because you have no idea what a blessing you could be to other women who need a more mature Christian woman in their lives. I know many of you are thinking, who me? What do I have to offer? Well, as a follower of Christ if you have followed Him through raising your children, or through years of being single, through a divorce or being a single Mom, through the loss of a husband, a terminal illness, a rebellious teen, and many other difficult circumstances of life, then you can help others as they follow Christ through their everyday situations.
What scriptures did he make real to you? What mistakes can you keep them from making? What tender compassion do you have to share, what honest feedback for correction, what support and inspiration to encourage and motivate? No, you alone may not be enough; but You and God with this other woman are a strand of three cords which is difficult to break. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
In Titus 2:3 the older women are admonished to teach and train the younger women in practical aspects of life. You don’t have to have the gift of teaching to do this. We naturally have what it takes to nurture others. We just have to offer ourselves to God and be intentional in sharing our lives with another younger disciple in the process of following Christ. We can have them come along with us shopping, hiking, doing errands. Just simply taking time to share life with them; listen and know their hearts. God will prompt you in what to say or do. Listening is most important. Caring enough to listen and understand their feelings and know them personally is a gift you can give.
Could this be the ministry God wants to birth in you? Could you be the answer to someone’s prayer? Please pray about what God would have you to do. Please be aware of opportunities to be there for someone – to listen to their heart, pray for their situation and believe God with them. It doesn’t take money; just time and your heart.
There are many reasons why we don’t reach out and share our lives. I will share those in another post. But please pray about how God would have you respond. Pray that God will stir up hearts to care and reach outside their comfort zones to share their lives. Pray for women to oversee such a ministry and make it effective. Pray for the women who are needing such a ministry that they can hang on while God endeavors to get through our defenses, excuses and walls of protection.
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Will you be the third strand? Will you be someone's valentine by sharing your life?
Friday, February 8, 2008
Your Worst Nightmare
What’s your worst nightmare?
As a child I dreamed that I went to school with my pajamas and house slippers still on. That’s a dream born out of fear of exposure I’ve been told.
As an adult I’ve dreamed of driving the car from the back seat while the car careens out of control. Try as I hard as I might I can’t seem to maneuver into the front seat to gain control of the car. That dream has usually popped up when I’ve felt like my life is out of control.
There’s some emergency happening and I must get help. I’m feverishly dialing the phone but the voice on the other end keeps saying, “You’ve dialed the incorrect number, please try again.” It’s an old phone where you dial one digit of the phone number at a time and wait for the dial to return to its place before dialing the next digit of the phone exchange. Somehow I keep making a mistake and have to keep starting over only to reach the wrong number once I finally get through – if I get through. Can you feel my fear and frustration? The eminent danger keeps getting closer and closer as I keep fumbling in my dialing. It’s a nightmare depicting my inability to be heard or get through to someone important in my life.
Then there’s the nightmare that I lived through this past weekend. I’ve been told at the last moment that I’m to speak and I’m trying to jot down notes but I keep being interrupted and can’t concentrate. Panic strikes me and the fear of being unprepared and looking like a fool overwhelms me making concentrating even more difficult. Well, it didn’t happen exactly like that but the nightmare of having to speak in front of a large crowd without being prepared certainly came true.
As some of you know, my husband, the preacher, awoke sick this past Sunday morning. After thirty-seven years of preaching he had never missed a service because of sickness. So when he said he didn’t feel well I didn’t give it much thought. But when I heard him hurling I got worried. I had an early worship practice because I was leading worship. As I left he pulled me into his office and showed me his notes. He actually expected me to preach for him from his notes. Yikes, could this really be true? There were nineteen pictures of slides and a statement for each but no other notes. I took his notes with me but fully expecting that he would show up at the last moment. Placing them on the pulpit I went to practice not to see them again until time to preach. No, he didn’t save the day. My worst nightmare had come true but it wasn’t quite like I expected. God came through and ministered through me as only He can do.
What did I learn? We can face our fears and trust God to be faithful to get us through whatever comes our way. What we fear is never as bad as we expect. Yes, I’ve taught, spoke and preached for many years but I take the responsibility seriously and like to be totally prepared. But, if some circumstance arises where I am needed I can trust God to help and empower me. He is faithful.
I don’t know what fear you are facing but God will be with you helping you to face it with His power. He is with you. He has your back. His hand is upon you and you can make it while leaning on Him. He can turn your worst nightmare into an unbelievable blessing. Sweet dreams….
As a child I dreamed that I went to school with my pajamas and house slippers still on. That’s a dream born out of fear of exposure I’ve been told.
As an adult I’ve dreamed of driving the car from the back seat while the car careens out of control. Try as I hard as I might I can’t seem to maneuver into the front seat to gain control of the car. That dream has usually popped up when I’ve felt like my life is out of control.
There’s some emergency happening and I must get help. I’m feverishly dialing the phone but the voice on the other end keeps saying, “You’ve dialed the incorrect number, please try again.” It’s an old phone where you dial one digit of the phone number at a time and wait for the dial to return to its place before dialing the next digit of the phone exchange. Somehow I keep making a mistake and have to keep starting over only to reach the wrong number once I finally get through – if I get through. Can you feel my fear and frustration? The eminent danger keeps getting closer and closer as I keep fumbling in my dialing. It’s a nightmare depicting my inability to be heard or get through to someone important in my life.
Then there’s the nightmare that I lived through this past weekend. I’ve been told at the last moment that I’m to speak and I’m trying to jot down notes but I keep being interrupted and can’t concentrate. Panic strikes me and the fear of being unprepared and looking like a fool overwhelms me making concentrating even more difficult. Well, it didn’t happen exactly like that but the nightmare of having to speak in front of a large crowd without being prepared certainly came true.
As some of you know, my husband, the preacher, awoke sick this past Sunday morning. After thirty-seven years of preaching he had never missed a service because of sickness. So when he said he didn’t feel well I didn’t give it much thought. But when I heard him hurling I got worried. I had an early worship practice because I was leading worship. As I left he pulled me into his office and showed me his notes. He actually expected me to preach for him from his notes. Yikes, could this really be true? There were nineteen pictures of slides and a statement for each but no other notes. I took his notes with me but fully expecting that he would show up at the last moment. Placing them on the pulpit I went to practice not to see them again until time to preach. No, he didn’t save the day. My worst nightmare had come true but it wasn’t quite like I expected. God came through and ministered through me as only He can do.
What did I learn? We can face our fears and trust God to be faithful to get us through whatever comes our way. What we fear is never as bad as we expect. Yes, I’ve taught, spoke and preached for many years but I take the responsibility seriously and like to be totally prepared. But, if some circumstance arises where I am needed I can trust God to help and empower me. He is faithful.
I don’t know what fear you are facing but God will be with you helping you to face it with His power. He is with you. He has your back. His hand is upon you and you can make it while leaning on Him. He can turn your worst nightmare into an unbelievable blessing. Sweet dreams….
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