Last Tuesday night at Chick Café Church we discussed the friendships of women. One of the gabbing girls brought up the idea of PDD – Perception Deception Disorder. I thought, hmm.. that is good.
Perception is everything. Perception is how we view things according to the internal lens of who we are and our collective experiences or knowledge. Perception is our reality. However, our perception may be skewed by our own bias, insecurities, fears or a host of other contributing factors. Once our perception is skewed or interweaved with the lies of the enemy then it is deception. We live our lives and make our choices according to these deceptive perceptions and it becomes a disorder that keeps us from living fully.
When this comes to the friendships of women it can be especially harmful. We may isolate or hide to protect ourselves from perceived discomfort, pain or betrayal in relationships. The very people who may challenge and help us to grow are rejected as we perceive them to be “dangerous” or “uncomfortable.”
The Gabbing Girl shared that when meeting women she compares herself with others and looks for someone with whom she can feel comfortable. In doing that she is actually judging women by their appearance and body language and sorting through the information to protect herself from someone who may hurt her or with whom she would not feel comfortable. What makes us feel comfortable will be different according to our own perception of ourselves and our preferences.
For instance, I get bored with small talk after awhile and long for deeper conversation. Others are scared to death of anything but small talk and would feel very uncomfortable about the prospect of being with someone who takes the conversation deeper. So I would probably be rejected or shunned by those who perceived me as different from themselves.
If we see ourselves as not measuring up in the beauty department we may reject the friendships of women we perceive as more beautiful than ourselves. We do this either to protect ourselves or make ourselves feel more comfortable or superior to someone else. We may judge someone as a snob when in reality they have a reserved personality and are as sweet as sugar. We may be missing out on a friendship that would bless the socks off of us. But we would never know because we keep rejecting these women.
Comparing is one of the biggest hindrances for women developing new friendships and community. What is the solution to PDD and the comparison game? Watch for the next blog.
What are your thoughts on PDD and the habit of comparing? Do you find yourself trapped in these habits? If not, how did you get out of the trap or keep from getting into the snare of comparing?
10 comments:
I am still reeling from the impact of PDD...so pervasive in my life. You have so clearly identified reasons for relational issues I have experienced. Thank you for sharing this valuable insight.
Angela, you are right on with the comparison thing and it is such freedom when we can overcome this and every opportunity I get to minister I have found that women, and men too, compare their marriages, children, personalities and etc...We as the body of Christ (as a whole) contribute to this disorder without even knowing it, for instance we may create an environment of competition amongst ministries and within ministries, place people above others, and worst yet compare ourselves to other churches. It is great to take an inventory of abilities, skills and assess them honestly but we should only compare them to the works and person of Jesus and not to a human standard or perceived standard. It is something that we all do at some level, when the levels excessive and makes us feel less of who God created us to be or even more than who God created us to be: this becomes dangerous. I heart grieves for women who are under this cloud, I see it more and more especially amongst young women and teens, I think we call it peer pressure. It all results in the same condition as the gabbing girl describes.
Pam C
WOW...I love this topic... in fact, I could be a poster chld for Perception Deception Disorder! I am in a meeting and can't elaborate more at the moment, but wanted to quickly respond and let you know that you are really on to something here.
Pam B
Hey Ladies, We need to be careful with all this wisdom. There are many psychologists and psychiatrists who could be out of a job. Come to think of it-this knowledge could possibly end battles. Sorry, but I could not ignore the obvious. I too, have PDD. And agree with all the comments. I think a large problem with all this is getting others to take women seriously long enough to listen...."Gabbing Girls" seems to describe the way we are seen. Or maybe that's just a "safer" view. God Bless!
"Gabbing Girls" is the name of the group of ladies who discuss the topic of the month for Chick Cafe' Church. It's a format something like "The View" but a lot more healthy.
You've hit on another problem that most women I coach deal with -- feeling like they have not been heard. It's a pervasive problem among women unfortunately. A major cause of frustration to put it mildly -- otherwise known as anger.
You've also hinted at another reality. If women felt safe to relate and talk and affirm one another they probably wouldn't need to see a psychologist. If they felt like they were being seen, heard and understood there would be a lot less depression among women. Ok ladies, let's be there for one another and help change each others perceptions.
When Perception Deception Disorder was mentioned the other night, it struck a nerve with me - something I related to in my past. When you give it a name - it sounds like a disease and in reality - it really is.
Before coming to Calvary, I attended another church for many years that was very rigid in their beliefs and teaching. When you live with judgment all around you, you tend to be judgmental. I judged everything and everybody but in such a nice way. I kept it to myself, but it consumed my thoughts every church service. From the way someone dressed, to how badly their children behaved in church - my mind was constantly going to those places.
It doesn't matter how many times a week you go to church, if your mind is busy on other stuff, than the Word of God really doesn't have a chance to penetrate into the deep recesses of your heart and mind.
I remember the first service that I attended at Calvary - before the service began I sat there judging in my own nice way why God would not show up in this service - look at the makeup, short hair, etc. - how could God's blessing be here? As soon as the music began, hands were raised without any body asking them to and the most beautiful presence of the Lord entered that room. The worship was so beautiful - spontaneous and pure. For the first 3 months that I attended Calvary, I cried in every service - there was a cleansing and healing taking place inside of me. I had been a Christian all of my life, but was I really? When I truly began a relationship with God, judgment left me and I was set free. There is such a freedom in just being me and letting other people be who they are. My deliverance came when I realized how truly miserable I was inside - constantly comparing myself with and to someone else - it was a process of cleansing and healing for me. I look back on that person that I used to be and I hardly recognize her at all.
I constantly have to check my thoughts - where do they go? When I filter my thoughts through the Word of God, the beauty on the inside will show on the outside. Philippians 4:8 says - finally, brothers (sisters), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -
think about such things.
Betty M
Betty,
Thanks for your testimony. You are a real cheerleader and champion of other women because you are secure in Who you are in Christ. Keep making a difference one woman at a time and we'll be able to put this PDD out of business. What a powerful force -- women being whole and helping other women, men, teens and children to be secure in who they are. "... and the gates of hell shall not prevail against the church."
Hi
Sometime in the future could you do a Christian version of "How to Win Friends and influence People" (like the D Carnegie book) at a Chick Church event or on the blog? It is so frustrating that even when my perception and thinking are half-way decent, I don't seem to be able to get through to the confident social butterflies who just float above the clouds not even seeing that this shy plegmatic is practically begging to do something fun. Need the tools.
A very interesting thought about perception disorder. I agree with everything written. I think also your personality type figures into things. For instance, during your seminar last summer on the personality types, I agree with the point another lady made about not wanting to be around "popular sanguines" because they make her tired! She and I are melancholies. I think you gravitate quite naturally to your own types, your comfort zone, familiarity. "Water seeks its own level." I think that is a fact of life.
You are right about the personality helping to determine with whom we will feel comfortable.
However, its not the only thing. How secure we feel, how we judge ourselves and others certainly plays a role.
The Proper Melancholy by nature doesn't like to relate in large groups. They are more comfortable one-on-one. They usually have two to three good friends in their personal circle with whom they are very faithful and loyal.
The Sanguines will look for people to have fun with or who will isten to them talk. The Cholerics will look for people to help them achieve their goals or someone to listen to them talk about their goals. The Phlegmatics aren't always motivated to seek out friends; people are drawn to them because they are likeable, calming and easy to get along with.
The Playful Sanguines and Purposeful Choleric's extroverted confidence can overwhelm the introverts. The perfectionism of the Melancholy can intimidate the Sanguine. The non-chalant attitude of the Phlegmatic can turn the extroverts off at times.
I guess we all can put off vibes that keep others from approaching us but we need to push beyond the comfort zone to at least get to know them. We may be surprised at what we find.
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