My Stint as a Jerk

What do you think of when you hear the word “Jerk?” One person told me, “When I hear the word jerk, I think of someone who is a really bad and lousy person with little or no value, especially for marriage.” We probably all have different definitions of the word jerk according to our experience. But that is not the one we’re looking for here.

Maybe we should look at the dictionary’s definition for jerk.

Definition of Jerk: Slang. . a contemptibly naive, fatuous, foolish, or inconsequential person.

Naïve: lack of experience, judgment or information. Credulous; little or no formal training

Credulous: willing to believe or trust too readily, especially without proper or adequate evidence; gullible.

Fat·u·ous /ˈfætʃuəs/ - foolish or inane, especially in an unconscious, complacent manner; silly.

Foolish = resulting from or showing a lack of sense; ill-considered; unwise: a foolish action, a foolish speech. Lacking forethought or caution.

So, if we go by the dictionary definition a Jerk is “someone who lacks experience, judgment or information.” When I started dating as a teenager I would say that definitely described me. I think it describes most teens and many young adults. I had gathered no experience or information about how to go about a dating relationship without getting taken advantage of, hurting the other person or making many mistakes of judgment

I was definitely credulous in that I was too willing and ready to trust. I just expect other people to be trustworthy since I am. How naïve! I don’t think I was “fatuous” but a little foolish, “yes”. I lacked caution because I was naïve and too trusting. So I guess you could say I was a jerk and didn’t even know it.

By the time I started dating the man who is now my husband I had learned some information about what I wanted and didn’t want in a man. I had some experience but not enough. At one point we both realized that the relationship was going too quickly. We had to pull in the reigns of the runaway horse, so to speak. We were at college and we ate together, worked together, studied together and had fun together. We realized that we needed to see each other less and pace the relationship or we wouldn’t be able to keep to our values.

One night after two hours on the phone with him arguing about who I smiled at that day, I realized he was a jealous man. I absolutely knew jealousy was one thing I just couldn’t tolerate. I broke off the relationship. I told him I would pray for him and that I loved him but jealousy was one thing I wouldn’t live with. Had we not paced the relationship better, my head would not have gotten through to my heart. After a month of us both being apart and fasting and praying, he was delivered from the insecurities that drove his jealousy.

How did we know we needed to recalibrate the pace of our relationship? It was because our heads were still working with our hearts in the relationship. We weren’t so emotionally or physically involved that the hormones hijacked our judgment. This is one of the principles taught in the Love Thinks Workshop.

You won’t learn this important information in a movie or magazine. But for the price of a couple of movies and a soda, you can learn what you need to practice for healthy relationships in every area of life.