I don't think I could possibly do her justice to summarize what she said, so here it is:
It’s been a long time since I attended a women’s Bible study, luncheon (why don’t they just call them “lunch”?), or anything else just for Christian women. I’ve spent enough of my life feeling bored, self-conscious, and out of place (think junior high gym class).
In my experience, the people who plan these events make all kinds of assumptions about who I am as a women. For starters, most assume I’m a full-time stay-at-home mom (and the best time of day for a meeting is, of course, 10:00 in the morning). They also seem to believe I enjoy making refrigerator magnets, spend most of my time thinking about fashion and chocolate, and can think of nothing better than getting away from my husband and kids (even though I’ve been at work all day) and hanging out with my “girlfriends.” This isn’t me—at all.
I used to think I just didn’t fit. Somehow I wasn’t like most women, and this probably had something to do with my spiritual life, so I should try harder to fit in. Now I realize that’s not true. In fact, the funny thing is, I don’t really think I’m a misfit. Most women I know feel the same way I do about women’s ministry programming. I know that women’s ministries do connect with many women and provide important opportunities for growth. But they seem to be focused on serving a relatively small segment of the population. So I wonder: Why do so many of our women’s ministry efforts treat women as if they all have the same lifestyle, schedule, goals, affinity for June Cleaver, and penchant for pink roses? And why are we expected to call ourselves “girlfriends”?
I don’t mean to undermine the importance of women’s ministry, or trivialize the effective ministry that’s happening in many churches. But by and large, I believe our churches are running shallow, one-dimensional programs that miss important opportunities to minister to many women.
Since we are seeking God to birth a new vision for ministry by women to women, the church and community we need to seriously hear from you as to what you think women's ministry should be. Of course, be ready to fulfill that part of the vision.
I can remember a time when I first moved here and had been in a women's group where much of our time was spent making crafts to sell at the Christmas bazaar. Being a stay at home Mom at the time, I enjoyed the fellowship and fun we had creating. But when my life changed I longed for something more meaningful. We began a Monday night prayer meeting which definitely met my need for something more meaningful. At different times in our lives we will have different needs and a women's ministry might not be able to meet all those different needs; but the church as a whole might.
I don't think a women's ministry is meant to meet all the needs but to use the talents and gifts of available women to minister to as many needs as possible that may not be addressed by the other ministries of the church. Our church is already offering classes Wednesday night and Sunday morning. Counseling and discipling are available. Mentoring is still needed. Specific support groups are still needed.
Our culture, the busyness of life, family dynamics, mothers working two fulltime jobs, single moms, etc. present us with challenges that need to be addressed. However, how do we do that when everyone is so overworked already. Women are cleaning, shopping, cooking, doing laundry, being a taxi driver for children, helping with home work, all while holding down a fulltime job outside the home. When do they have time for ministry or to be ministered to?
How do we design a minsitry that empowers women to live in their design, purpose and destiny without adding to the already overloaded schedule? How do we connect women with others who have walked their path already and have important information to share or could help support them?
Whether we want to admit it or not; women need girl friends. Men do not communicate on the same level emotionally as women do. If you don't like the small talk then find a woman who enjoys the deep, analytical conversations -- we are out there. If tea parties are not your cup of tea then help start something that connects women who enjoy sports, motorcycles, hiking, paintballing, etc. If you enjoy deep Bible Studies, facilitate one and invite some other proper, perfect melancholies who appreciate this kind of depth. (see www.uniquelyhis.net Love in the Dining Room Part 2 (Melancholy). If you don't want to leave children behind then organize a playtime together where you can fellowship with other women who have small children. The possibilities are as endless as there are available women.
What do you think? If we are going to have an effective Women's Ministry we need your input.
You may already be getting all the teaching, training, and fellowship you need because you are involved in ministry in some way. Praise God! But if you aren't, what can you do to help other women? What kind of ministry do you feel you need?
If you're interested in reading the full article by Amy Simpson here is the web address:
http://blog.christianitytoday.com/giftedforleadership/2007/08/why_i_dont_do_womens_ministry.html
7 comments:
I read the original post and found this comment with which I agree. Yet, I know that there may be other women whose needs as a single mom or career woman are not being met by some women's ministries so my heart goes out to them. But I agree with Amy that we shouldn't whine about it but initiate action and be a part of the solution instead.
Sorry Amy, but this sounds like whining to me. Your profile says you are committed to serving the church, but this article sounds like you are looking to be served.What you describe has not been my experience in women's ministries. I have been challenged by intelligent women, grown spiritually through deep Bible studies and been mentored. Sometimes I have had to search, but these types of women's ministries are out there. Sometimes I have had to start them, but then we have a good thing going.
I think you do us a disservice by generalizing womens ministries in this way.
If you read the original post it seems like Amy was not comfortable in social situations like the home parties. Maybe that is why she didn't enjoy the socialization of women's ministries. Our personalities really do have an affect upon how we experience situations and respond. There may be many levels of why someone would or wouldn't like a ministry. There really are no one-fits-all ministry.
It is true, that you don't always know how God is growing you up. Reading what the lady wrote and knowing I was there a few years back, God will sometimes let us see how far we have come and grown. I am thankful to God for the work He has done in my life and yes, He always does it in a way that He gets the credit because we know it is all of Him and none of us. It is precisely the mentoring, bible studies and women's ministries that God used in my life to bring me from A to B. Praise God. And He used that blog entry to show me a few steps I have taken forward and let me praise Him for his faithfulness.
I'm glad you were able to see where you have grown from reading this blog. Praise God for both.
I have read the blod and believe the spirit behind the original comment was that the needs of women are so multi-dimensional. And that there are so many variables involved in producing women who are able to contribute to the body of which they are a part. The body of Christ is out of shape, overweight, low in energy and somewhat retarded in growth. So what do we do about this? Let's get back in shape! Let's disclipline ourselves to get up and excercise, (work out our own salvation with fear and trembling)maintain a proper diet(of the word and prayer)drink plenty of water, (regular church/Sunday school attendance)
limit the sugary snacks(Christian tv, chasing after every wind of doctrine, microwave devotions) and get plenty of rest(remember the Sabbath? stop all the business, slow down all the activity). Having done this I believe we can go forth a lean, mean fighting machine ready to take on the needs showing them how to get thier bodies in shape. But what would we rather do? quick fixes: go on fad diets or get surgery or worse yet, nothing at all and the body just keeps getting more and more out of shape and then this predisposes us to other diseases and illnesses(other works of the enemy). The comments that were shared in the blog are only symptoms of an unhealthy body. When the body of Christ gets ready to come off the couch (complacency) we will be able to meet the needs of all the women, not just in our local body! You who chose to read this come off the couch and let's get moving!
Generational differences plays a part in womens attitudes, the younger generations have grown up be more active as far as school and after school activities are concerned- girls play many sports- do activities in Girl scouts/christian girls clubs and go on so many field trips and take aerobics classes and need to be doing something. Then They go to a ladies event when they reach adulthood or have their first child, go to a ladies luncheon or (MOPS) and then like I did - may walk into a room that has tables in a horseshoe shape with a craft to do, all the while sitting, a speaker talking on how to arrange flowers and then pastries to get them fatter- they are sad they had to put their toddler in the nursery - they wish they had gone to the park with the local Moms group instead - at least they would be outside in the fresh air, with their child they miss and making a new friend with another new mom. I didn't want to learn how to arrange flowers! Yes it is all in my attitude, but then not being mature in the Lord. . .This is not maybe like Calvary, but it happened to me in 1998. Chick church sounds like it is a great idea, so modern.
Dianne
hey Angela, I really enjoyed these articles, I think most women are feeling the same,dry,exhausted,not knowing how to connect anymore,or did we ever... Being a stay at home mom for almost eighteen years, I know how hard it is to fit in or find a place or even find a friend you can be yourself because your always thinking you must be crazy if you cant do it all, so you then do one of THESE parties and I really believe we go in it for connection but most of us leave pretty empty inside...and it wasn't until I stopped TRYING and let God lead my connections, that I could find depth and a refill in the areas of life that us women so desperately seek...i do believe the way our women's ministry is headed is going to accomplish this, the dynamics of the visions are so awesome,so heartfelt and can only work...I love how all women are asked for input, its like we have a voice and it matters(and we know how important that is)...thank you for always continuing to encourage the women of our church...
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